A bit more about me…

I’ve now had just over a week to recover from my wonderfully awesome solo exhibition experience (as wonderfully awesome as it was, I was truly EXHAUSTED at the end of it!) and I have finally recouped enough energy to start thinking about how I can use all the inspiration and ideas I collected during the show and put it to good use. I was so thrilled to sell three of my paintings, which has given me the means to buy more brushes, canvases, and artist quality oil paints – yippee!!! I’ve learned first-hand from my other passion, knitting, that the quality of the materials you work with has an enormous effect not only on the quality of the finished creation, but also on how enjoyable the process of crafting is. A number of people commented on the vibrancy of certain colours in my paintings, and often those were the most expensive, deluxe-quality paints.  I’m proud I put them to good use, but whew! they are so expensive! 

I can’t even express how amazing it was to meet so many supportive, *interesting*, and creative people during my time at the gallery (although many people denied their creativity, I could see/hear it oozing out of pretty much everyone who came in. This is something worth writing about in a future post I think!). Many people truly appreciated my words, which honestly were a last-minute addition to the exhibition but turned out to be a key feature and, I think, unified the artworks. The feedback I received has encouraged me to write more alongside my art making so I am very excited that I now have some subscribed readers (you) and I won’t have to send my words into an empty abyss anymore. (Thank you)

So, to kickstart my first newsletter-which-will-actually-be-read-by-other people, I’m going to write just a little bit more about myself (more than my About Me page, I mean).  As I’ve written on my website’s Blog page, my paintings are like little windows into my soul, and I guess some people might say they should speak for themselves, or derive their meaning solely from the viewer, but I think there’s also a possibility that knowing more about the artist can enhance the experience of the artwork. I feel like that’s true for my favourite artworks, Van Gogh’s ‘Sunflowers’. 

I’m a super-creative person with many different interests, and for too long I thought that the only way I could share my creativity with others was to pick just one thing at a time. But the older and braver I get, the more I’m learning that they all work better together! My painting, writing, knitting, gardening …and all the rest; they figure out a way to weave themselves together to create a voice that is uniquely mine. A voice I’d like to use to share ideas, connect with others, and hopefully inspire more creativity!

For the longest time, I talked myself out of practising my art and pursuing my desire to be an artist, I convinced myself I wasn’t good enough in my art practice because I am self-taught, and I accepted that trying to make a living from my artwork was foolish and out of my reach. I became a ‘responsible’ adult, studying first architecture and then retraining and becoming a secondary school teacher. I became a mum of two and then a few years ago I committed to home educating my children. Already in my late 40’s, it was only through my tiger-mum commitment to supporting and understanding my children that I discovered and was diagnosed ADHD and then later, autistic. Learning to understand myself and a lifetime of experiences with a new perspective has caused me to realise what huge, often invisible sacrifices I’ve made my whole life, in order to be ‘enough’ for other people. It’s come at such a huge cost to my mental and physical health, and for that I’ve grieved. However, I’m also coming to accept that the past is past, but my future is unwritten, and I have a chance now to reclaim the parts of me that I forsake, figure out who I really am, and learn to be more authentically me.

I believe there are lots of other creatives out there like me; people who have at some stage in our lives chosen to abandon our creative dreams, but now we want to find them back again. I’d love to create a community of encouragement and support for all of us who are looking to find our way back to our creative selves, and become unapologetically, authentically whole again.

Aroha nui,
Esther x